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Jun 29, 2011

And the Heartbreak…

This is about Riddhie’s reaction on seeing me after a gap of five weeks.

Dear Riddhie,

It had been over a month and the wait was agonizing. I dozed off multiple times for short durations during my flight home and kept dreaming about you – your last few pictures sent in by your mother, fresh on my mind. I kept thinking about the way you would probably jump up upon seeing me and the kind of feelings that would be stirred at the moment.

It wasn’t until a few hours after touching ground that I got to see you. I rode back home at devilish speed from Gurgaon with a heavy backpack on my shoulders. As soon as I came in, I wanted to see you and rushed in to the room where you were sitting. I called your name and stretched my arms to pick you up and to my dismay you looked back with a confused expression and hid behind your mom.

2Every following attempt made by me to pick you up worsened the situation till the point you could contain no longer and howled your heart out. It was heartbreaking to see you cry out aloud and shirk away. Of all things I imagined, I actually did not consider that you would fail to recognize me altogether.

There I sat, at one end of the bed cooing and coaxing you to crawl towards me and you constantly chose to ignore my being there at all. You did not even look at the doll and other things that I brought you and kept tugging at your mother’s dress suspicious of this ‘stranger’ who had walked into your periphery.

1This did not end soon and with every furtive glance you threw at me from a distance, you seemed to withdraw further into your shell. Even if I made half a gesture to come near, you frowned at my attempts and looked to cry at the drop of a hat. As the night fell and I reclined to the bed, you rushed to your mom and started crying again pointing at my direction. It wasn’t until late in the night when you slept on your mom’s tummy that I could get near you and stroke your head for a while.

Though the morning after and the next day turned out to be slightly better, this little incident on the day of my arrival made me realize the importance of little things in life all over again.

With my current profile and job description, I shall be required to travel quite a bit in days to come and very often I shall not be able to take you along. At your age now, you don’t care much about who is around you as long as your mom is close and you get a change of diapers and your milk as and when you need. In years to come, as you get aware of my presence, you shall probably want more of me. However, I am sure there would come a time when you would want to be out with your friends and would want to see lesser of me; maybe would even want me to doze off early in the night so you could sneak past me to your room. I guess every age has its own shade and its own palette of hues. When time comes, you and I shall sit together and read through these letters and smile maybe.  For now, I shall continue to find ways to win you all over again and make you rush over to me with a sunshine smile and open arms.


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